La Cucarocha

It's been a while I know. Pro, i have at least one good story to share with you. Con, I can't think of any. As Veronika mentioned we are back in Thailand and our first stop was Chang Mai.

The reason we chose Chang Mai is because we felt that it would be easier to cross the border from the North of Thailand. Turns out we had no idea of how long it was going to take us so we are killing the rest of our time in Thailand before Europe. Veronika mentioned that I did a good job finding us a place to stay on the first night. That is partially true. Yes I did find the area and hotel to stay at, which was surprisingly cheap in comparison to what we have become accustomed to. The problems are that we had a massive room with a tiny, piece of crap rotating fan. It was like lying down in a sauna. The other thing was that we had an issue with yet another "crazy insect".

Cockroaches are without a doubt a super bug. I'm sure they are the envy of all the insects in the world. People always talk about (at least i do) what one super power they would most like to posses. Insects would tell you that they would want to be a cockroach. They are lightning quick, gross, move best in the dark and now we have learned they could fly as well. My choice is a no brainer, to be indestructible.

The fiasco starts when Veronika went to brush her teeth and I was left in the bed completely exhausted and turned of the main light while leaving the lamp beside the bed on. With my incredible peripherals I noticed something crawling on the wall. When my eyes finally adjusted on the unwelecomed guest, I was watching the biggest cockroach int he world enjoy a jog on my wall. I was obviously freaking out but when Veronika came out of the bathroom, the cockroach flew to a new hiding place. Out of sight. It was similar to Shaggy and Scooby telling the rest of the gang they had just seen the ghost (which was always a guy in a costume). Veronika didn't believe what I told her and decided to take a shower. She will deny this. Once again I was left alone in the lions den with this man eating bastard. I don't know if they actually eat people but at this point I wouldn't be shocked at all. Veronika steps into the shower and the terrorist reappears. At this point he/she was messing with my head. Breaking me down psychologically so I tire out and then it can defecate on my forehead while I'm sleeping. I watched the roach parade on my bag, into the carry on and then into the corner at the foot of our bed. Veronika came out and I had already ran to the other side of the room to find a hiding place. I spoke in tongues when filling her in on what the situation was. The roach reappeared and one of us had to get rid of the bug while the other curls up in a ball to fight back tears on the bed. I made the choice for the both of us by nominating Veronika as the one to get rid of it. I sat there screaming like a little girl and Veronika did what most men would have done in that situation.

So yes, I found the place for a good price but we had to sleep with the lights on, it has made me completely paranoid which in turn is effecting my sleep. Also, if Veronika ever decides to break up with me I know it is because of how girly I get around bugs. She will deny it when I ask her to admit this but to her friends she will let them know I have a mangina. To an outsider that has never met me they might think that I might actually be a woman. I hate to brag but I am quite the mans man. I chop down trees, love cars, tools, hunting drinking beer out of a can and crushing it on my forehead when I am done. Last but not least I always try my best to participate in one puerto rican knife fight a month. All man!

The train from Chang Mai to Ko Lanta was supposed to be a 10 hour ride on an express train. I think the Thai's don't fully understand the concept of an express train. We stopped at every single train station with some stops lasting half an hour. To add to my displeasure I saw some baby cockroaches running around certain areas of the filthy train. The cabin we were in appeared to receive the type of cleaning you would do to your house the day your parents would come home from a weekend trip. Sweep everything underneath a carpet. The train didn't have a carpet so the trash was piled under neath our seats/beds. What the hell are we paying for? How much does it cost to hire a child to clean the trains? I know it sounds harsh but it beats them begging on the streets while their parents are sitting at a bar getting smashed while having engaging conversations with prostitutes. Needless to say I unwillingly slept for about 45 minutes on an overnight train ride that lasted 14 hours.

The bus ride from Bangkok to the pier took another eight hours and the ferry took a half an hour. Lets round the entire trip up to 24 hours of continuous travel with no sleep. I slept like a baby that night and was ready to relax on what could be the final beach we will see on the remainder of our trip. Oh wait it is time for the monsoon.

A monsoon sounds like a big deal in the same category as a hurricane or tsunami but really it is just the wet season. We are getting the opportunity to relax and eat at some restaurants we are familiar with. We did however, try a new Italian restaurant. I was starving and we all know Italians eat until there pants don't fit and the only way they can move away from the table is if someone has a wheel barrel handy. This Italian restaurant was the complete opposite. The prices were through the roof so I wanted to select a dish that will do the trick. I ordered the Crunchy Lasagna which included duck, salad, a bed of risotto and sun dried tomatoes. Whoever wrote the menu is a bloody con artist. The lasagna was two layers of pasta that were roughly the same size as half a toilet paper square. The salad was two forks of lettuce, the bed of risotto must have been the equivalent size of jimmy the crickets (of Pinocchio fame) mach box bed. The duck breast was way to small to be from an actual duck. It was closer to the size of a quail. Thankfully Veronika agreed that half of her real person sized pizza was a good trade for the three fork fulls of food I gave her. I know that there are restaurants that the chef provides quality food in small portions but in Thailand? You kidding me? The Restaurant was located in a part of the island that might be comparable to the most undesirable part of Scarborough. That is if Scarborough replaced all of the building with sheds and shacks.

Despite all of the above I have enjoyed my time in South East Asia very much. I will cook Thai food for anyone that wants and will wear an apron for show. I will do it on my own terms and not wear any clothes underneath. That's what I call dinner and a show.

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